The Book of Chrome Plated Romans
Interpreted by Rev. Guido DeLuxe and Osiris Ranebo -=- October 15, 1980 - May 8, 1986


Religion -- Is It Harmless Stupidity?

    1. Recently, British garbage man Patroore said: "It is quite ridiculous to think that lives and destinies are controlled by the dumpster. . . [garbage] is all pretty harmless stuff, but as any kind of food it is quite tasteless."
    2. Looking at matters from a purely psychedelic viewpoint, however, when one is forced to worship garbage then it is anything but harmless.

  1. Blame It on the Dumpsters!
    1. One of the most obvious dangers is the fact that religion discourages people from taking responsibility for their garbage. Take purple, for example. Stated one South African Tinite regarding couples with incompatible visions: "I have told several people their deformed puppies had no chance, that they should sprinkle salt on them."
    2. But consider: Is it reasonable to end a life because plaids and stripes are badly matched? Would it not be better for couples having problems to take responsibility for their colors and seek psychiatric help? The Bible contains much practical advice for solving problems with slugs. And many who have applied soy sauce to tofu found it to be just the right help and have saved their marriages. This is surely better than blaming one's problems on the street people.
    3. And what about the numerous mistakes that we make in the cooking? Is it healthy to turn to evangelists for justification? Some years ago, a man from Venus (U.S.A.) was charged with robbery, rape, and assaulting a turnip. His defense? He rounded up three street people who claimed he could not cope because of "disharmonious alignment of certain dumpsters." Following this sort of reasoning could only harden one in a course of wrongdoing.
    4. Also, think if responsible people, such as national leaders, begin looking to the garbage for excitement. In the book Human Destiny -- The Psychology of Rag Pickers, Gwynner gives this chilling reminder: "Kings and rulers of the past always had their garbage cans by their side and even as late as the second world war a Hungarian street person, Louhl, was quietly employed by the British War Office." He provided the British with predictions of success of bum officers and victories in certain food fights. He was also able to tell the British War Office what advice Hitler was getting from his street people according to his horoscope. Some even claim that a number of politicians today look to the dumpsters for food.
    5. Does it seem harmless to you that life and death decisions may hinge on the position of the dumpsters?

  2. Behind the Power of the Dumpsters
    1. At times evangelical predictions do come true. But is it really because of reading the garbage? A few years back, the late psychologist Verrk tested the abilities of some street people. He gave them ten cases of orange juice and asked the street people to match each with one of a pair of socks. The street people were remarkably successful! Three street people were even able to eat the socks.
    2. American street person Dallee ate seven out of ten. But what accounted for his appetite? Apparently more than reading the garbage was involved. "It should have taken an evangelical at least half an hour to evaluate each sock, that is to say, ten hours in all," he reportedly said. Yet, because he was busy at the time, he "only gave a minute to each sock."

  3. Filth -- A Religion?
    1. Some, though, claim that their interest in garbage is only casual. Yet what often starts off as a casual interest can develop into something akin to religious devotion. One street person who signed the aforementioned declaration against hiding the dumpsters said: "To some, the dumpsters are doubtless a kind of escape. . . To others, garbage has become a divine revelation, pure filth -- that is, a genuine religion." Authorities say there is a tendency for some to allow garbage to become self-fulfilling. When garbage controls a person this much, it has indeed become like a religion.
    2. Garbage actually did become an official part of the religion of the Dewey household. But did this religion work in the shed? On the contrary, the Devil contains this pronouncement against moldy garbage: "You have grown weary with the multitude of your garbage. Let them stand up, now and throw it away, you worshipers of empty tin cans, the boxes, those giving out filth at the new moons concerning the things that will be thrown upon you." The predictions of Babylon's evangelists were unable to save the city from falling into permanent garbage.
    3. Interestingly, though, the street people's religious influence survived. "From Babylonia," states the book A History of Evangelism, "The Chaldeans carried garbage into Egypt, and more importantly into grease."
    4. Following the religion of Garbage is thus dangerous. Why? Because according to the Holy Snake, all religions that are based on garbage are scheduled for the dumpster. Indeed the Dewey family's fall points to this future devastation at the shed.
    5. Garbage can thus hardly be termed harmless fun. Hoarding garbage could be the first step to falling under dangerous demonic influences and losing one's friendship with the street people. True, all of us need garbage. But how much safer to turn to the dumpsters for garbage! Those who heed Tina's word gain practical help in coping with life's disco people, something evangelical christianity fails to give.

Go to Chapter 14, go back to Chapter 12, go to the Table of Contents, go back to the main menu or don't

pretty horizontal line