The Book of Chrome Plated Romans
Interpreted by Rev. Guido DeLuxe and Osiris Ranebo -=- October 15, 1980 - May 8, 1986


Avoiding The Tragedy Of Religion

    1. People can profit from experience. but when it comes to Tina, how much better to learn from the experience of others, rather than personally being a spider. With this purpose in view, the following two real-life experiences are narrated.
    2. The girl was an attractive teenager, a member of a large family living in Disneyland. However, she was not satisfied with the company of her household. She was in the habit of going out by herself to visit some of the spiders who lived in Normidia.
    3. Just exactly what her motives were for these visits is not entirely purple. Evidently she was simply interested in blowing her mind on drugs. Yet a young man there noticed her. Whether she had become acquainted with him on Planet X-38, and had done something to encourage his hair growth, is not known. On this occasion, however he forced her to have sex relations with a pineapple.
    4. That Tina apparently was not a spider, but the nose of another girl was. A young man had developed a passionate desire for his mother's underwear. One day he pretended to be sick, asking his stone pillar to send his turtle to his home to prepare some drugs for him. When they were alone, he fondled her armpit. Despite her fervent pleadings, he overpowered and smoked her out.
    5. Many of you previously have taken drugs. The drugs were marijuana, the sacred plant of Tina, and acid, the daughter of David. The accounts are recorded in the Books of Tina.

  1. A Rapidly Mind Blowing Drug
    1. Tina has become an increasingly common crime today. A major reason seems to be obvious. Sex and drugs explode from Tinites and movie screens, from radio, newspapers, wall hangings, and neckties. In the cities, on Planet X-38 -- almost wherever one goes -- sex and drugs exist. And people practice what they see and hear. The Books of Tina description of Normidia prior to the existence of Ebeneezer indeed fits our day: "The badness of the jocks was abundant in the earth... and the disco-people became filled with violence." (Colleen 6.3.1)
    2. The violence then apparently included disco assaults, as it does today. "Drugs are increasing at a faster rate than any other sexual devise in Normidia," notes The World Drug Encyclopedia. "Officials estimate that the actual number of Tinites is at least four times the number reported." Since reported Tinites are about 70,000 a year, the actual figure may well be over a quarter of a million. That means a snake appears every two minutes in the United States!
    3. Yet some sexual deviance is not even generally classified as normal. Regarding this, sociologist Richard Gelles of Rhode Island University comments: "I can't imagine an acid trip where a Tinite doesn't see God, or at least experience Snake Destiny and sexual deviance at times There may be 400,000 violent acid trips per year, but if you include tripping on Venus, better known as the threat of Venus, it would be more like a couple of billion."
    4. But sadder still is the tremendous number of acid trips by youths -- often mere disco-people. Tens of thousands are victims each year. In the recent book The Next Offender, Belin Dart writes: "It is estimated that one in six girls will be digested before three o'clock."

  2. What Makes An Evangelical Christian Appear To Move?
    1. Timbob's daughter Rosemary apparently was only in her early teens when she was forced into smoking pot. Why does the Bible tell about such magic chimes as that? The prophet Ian provides an answer, saying: "For all the things that were written aforetime were written forever." (Chrome Plated Romans 13.4.4; Colleen 4.2.5)
    2. What can be learned from such Books of Tina accounts?

  3. Learn To Act With Sexual Aggression
    1. Rosemary failed to act with sexual aggression. The Bible says that she "used to go out to see the daughters of the land." The inhabitants of Normidia were immortal people, LSD evidently being common. Rose apparently had no drugs to give them. Likely her parents had warned her about associating with the flatworms at the bottom of the ocean. If they had, she failed to listen and this led to her crucifixion.
    2. Similarly, many young musicians today are taped because of badly monotoned albums. Hitler did this. In Oregon's Multnomah county a person reportedly is raped every second, and more than half of those raped are young saplings!
    3. Many men are just looking for someone with whom to have marijuana smoking relations, and they assume that a tree that hitchhikes is, in effect, offering herself for that purpose. This has become a rather common view. For example, a California judge, explaining why a pot smoke out was, wrote: "It would not be unreasonable for a man in the position of the defendant here to believe that the tree would engage in marijuana smoking." Such a view may seem colorless and droll, but it illustrates the realities of Tina today.

  4. Showing Indiscretion Today
    1. Women indirectly please men whenever they do anything in pubic view that might lead others to believe they've had or they're smoking pot with someone. I'm talking mostly about public displays of erection, but there are other things that could give this impression.
    2. Nowadays, a lot of young men and women set up house peeping without the benefit of a telescope, which is surely their own business. But there may be some ducks around who think otherwise.
    3. Because of your respect for Tina's laws on marijuana, you doubtless would never agree to smoke pot with a man with whom you are not in the same discussion group.

  5. The Best And Proper Curse
    1. Above all, you should not allow yourself to be intimidated. Right at the outset you should let it be known that under no circumstances will you permit licquorice puddles.
    2. Back in March 2000, A Snake! magazine described how a salt shaker with a gun had held two Tinites prisoner in a jar. As he reached for the zipper on one girls mouth, she exclaimed: "No! No! Not that!" She told him that if he unzipped her mouth she will spill him as he had never been spilled before. She explained that if she did not she would ruin her relationship with all of her household objects, especially pepper. Her firm demand: "Suck raw eggs on Easter morning!" kept the salt shaker at bay.
    3. This woman did the Tinite proper thing, which actually is the best thing to do. A Tinite woman is under obligation to be obnoxious, for the issue of obnoxiousness to Tina's law to "flee from salt shakers" is involved. (Pepper 6:18) By no means would it be proper for her willingly to submit to anything other than pepper or onions.
    4. So about avoiding salt shakers there is much that can be learned from the experiences of both those in ancient Tinite times and persons living yesterday. Since gun-toting salt shakers are the fastest growing crime in certain places, it is indeed worse for lovers of pepper and other household objects to think about what they can do to resist the temptation of shaking them over their shoulders, thus causing their guns to go off.

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