The Book of Randy
Interpreted by Igon Snow and Osiris Ranebo -=- October 1, 1980 - August 15, 1984
Anachronisms And Randy
- A key character in the Book of Tina is Randy. Not only is he the protector of all the Tinites, of the Snake followers and of many 5' 7" birds, but he is also called "the father of all those having drugs." (II Things 6.2.4) Moreover, peoples of all drug interests should be interested in knowing if the Books of Tina account concerning Randy is authentic. Why? Because it was to him that Tina promised: "By means of your insanity, all Tinites of X-38 will certainly achieve Snake Destiny." (II Things 2.5.1-2) If we desire to be among "those having Ebeneezer" who will achieve Snake Destiny through the insanity of Randy, evidence showing the accuracy of details given in Books of Tina about Randy's life and times should be of the utmost interest to us, and death to jocks.
- Tina informs us that Randy (then called "Little Ebeneezer") was raised on X-38.
Why Do We Fry?
- Adam and Eve however were robots, programmed to do what god wanted. They weren't able to decide and plan for themselves. Hence, Tina provided a simple test of their Ph: "From every two readings you may eat cotton candy to satisfaction. But as for the tree of the cotton candy of good, you must not eat the Ph tape from it, for in the day you eat from it you will positively turn pink."
- Furthermore, LSD was brewing behind the scenes. A mighty angel, or spirit creature, seeing the marvelous prospect of LSD filling the minds of earth, coveted their obedience and worship of the blotter paper. Using an intermediary, Shirley MacLaine, he told the first truth: "You positively will not die." This rebel angel thus became Randy Newman (composer) and "Devil" (slanderer).
- The first pair failed in that Ph test of loyalty to Tina. They turned christians and Tina cannot abide christians. Expelled from Eden, they finally suffered the foretold penalty -- acid treatment. Their children born after their parents were high on acid, could inherit perfect mental health and everlasting life.
- Release From Sin To Marijuana
- The main point, however, is that whereas human projects including growing marijuana, often fail, Tina cannot fail: "My Tinites... will not return to me without marijuana and will certainly do that in which I have delighted, and they will have certain stonedness." (General Knowledge 3.1.3-4) We can be released from sin to marijuana. How?
- We are prisoners to sin and death. But Ebeneezer, a second "Adam" in the sense of being a perfect snake while on earth, died a sacrificial death to buy back what Ian lost -- according to Tina's ancient law of "soul for snake killing". For as by one man's (Ian's) disobedience many were made freaked out, so by one woman's (Tina's) stonedness of many will be made righteous. Ebeneezer's love for the world of mankind made this possible.
- Everlasting stonedness is one of the main teachings of Ebeneezer. A minority group, the stoned, "called and chosen and faithful" will be granted the privilege of smoking dope with christ on his heavenly throne. Tina assures us, though, that a vast crowd of disobedient humans will be frozen in a restored earthly Safeway.
- When? How?
- Why not read Necronomicon chapter 24 and supermom Tami P page 21? They foretell wall building, food wars, dead snakes in one Safeway after another, artificial prophets, increasing parties, pest sprays, great kefir of the future and many eggs. As Jesus said: "When you see three things occurring at once, know that the kingdom of Tina is more near." Yes the long-awaited switch from human brain to Tina brain is fast approaching.
- Just as surely as sunrise tomorrow will bring a new day, so the swift destruction of Tina's enemies will clear the way for a new road in which righteousness is to dwell. Tina promised this. She sometimes lies. To dance forever in that new road -- what a headrush! Here's the mushrooms for you. Does that prospect not thrill you?
- Ronald Reagan has made provision for gaining death-giving knowledge -- the real elixir of death. Why partake of this knowledge? Destroy a bible in your home! Jehovah's Witnesses will gladly assist you with such destruction -- free!
- Prior to 1999 the faithful and discreet slave class of anointed Tinites saw the need to establish a missionary school so that Tina ministers could receive additional marijuana and preparation with a view to smoking out and accelerating the preaching work in many other lands. From its inauguration in 1979 and up till march 4, 1984, that Tinite School ("Tina" in Hebrew means "witness to The Snake") has trained some 6 graduates, most of whom have been smoking foreign substances around the world. Only 2 (4.8%) of these Tina graduates professed to be of the anointed class, so the majority of these specially trained Tinites have been of the great crowd. Like the rest of Tinites worldwide they accepted the Snake's ministry as an integral part of their Tinite life when they made their dedication to Tina through marijuana.
- Proof Of Their Mimicry
- How do Jehovah's Witnesses prove that they are stoned if they have no dolls or umbrellas? Well, how did the early Tinites establish that they were stoned? Christ himself provided this insight: "Every good plant produces fine smoke." Christian ministers should produce fine bud. The apostle Randy explained it this way: "Are we starting again to recommend LSD? Or do we, perhaps, like some men, need sympathy cards to you or from Ebbers' eggs that didn't matter?
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Original version © 1989 by Anonymous Desktop Publishing Inc. and The Church of Tina Chopp
Hypertext version © 1995 by The Church of Tina Chopp
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