The Tinite Ritual of Vegetable Sacrifice

     One of the primary rituals used in the worship of Tina Chopp is the ritual of Vegetable Sacrifice. People everywhere are encouraged to perform and participate in this ritual, since it is through Vegetable Sacrifice that we come most closely in contact with Tina herself. The Holy Vegetable of Tina was created by Tina in the beginning of time to be the vehicle in which the mere human mind can travel to the happy world in which Tina intended us to live.
A guy with a machete, preparing to strike down a watermelon
In the ritual vegetable sacrifices performed by the High Priests of the Church of Tina, the following pattern is used, and is suggested to those who wish to perform their own public (or private) ritual vegetable sacrifices. Any or all of these elements can be used, altered or discarded as the individual celebrants of such a ritual may feel necessary. The Church of Tina is not in the business of telling people how to think, or what to do. If you don't feel comfortable performing rituals in the suggested fashion, The Church of Tina invites and, in fact, encourages you to make up your own stuff.

     The Circular Reading of The Books of Tina: The Books of Tina are opened to a random place, and each of the participants read a section. This section can be as little as one word, and can be as much as each individual participant wants to read. The section read by each individual is to be interpreted as being directed personally to that individual and the individual is to contemplate the meaning of the section they read and meditate upon its mystical inner meaning.

The Ritual Object
     The Preparation of the Sacrificial Vegetable: This can be as elaborate or as simple as the celebrant wishes to make it. The Church of Tina usually blesses the sacrificial vegetable by bathing it in the smoke of The Holy Vegetable which is blown through the hole in the center of The Ritual Object. The sacrificial vegetable is then impaled with the point of The Ritual Object.
A guy with a machete swinging vigorously at a watermelon

     The Sacrifice: This can be accomplished in any way the participants wish. The public sacrifices performed by The Church of Tina Chopp usually take place at a public park where there is a 5-story observation tower, off of which the sacrificial vegetables are thrown. The main intent in the sacrifice is to reveal the entrails of the sacrificial vegetable, and to this end, The Church of Tina Chopp has traditionally utilized watermelon and pumpkins for its public vegetable sacrifice ceremonies, however such diverse vegetables as carrots, celery, tomatoes, parsnips, potatoes, bananas and even a container of spinach dip have been used in ritual vegetable sacrifices.
     The Interpretation of the Omens: After the vegetable's entrails have been revealed, the participants in the ritual are encouraged to examine them for prophetic signs that might indicate the Will of Tina for the future. Individuals are encouraged to be creative in their interpretations, and, if necessary, to argue their interpretations with those who may have different interpretations. There is no definite way of knowing exactly what the Will of
Two guys discussing a slice of watermelon
Tina might be, so it is, ultimately, left up to the individual to make whatever sense they can of the prophetic signs. The Church of Tina's public vegetable sacrifice rituals frequently conclude with the officiating High Priest announcing the prophecy divined from the vegetable entrails.
     The Church of Tina Chopp frequently finishes its "public" ritual vegetable sacrifices by encouraging those who are interested to make a formal commitment to the Church by signing and obtaining an official membership certificate. Those participants who are able, at that time, to produce a valid membership certificate are then invited to participate in a "Church Members Only" finalization ceremony in which The Holy Vegetable is sacrificed in the name of Tina. For obvious (or maybe not so obvious) reasons, those who are not confirmed members of The Church of Tina Chopp are not able to attend such a finalization ceremony.


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