I dreamed I got email from Tina Chopp. She complained that some Tinite had mailed her a dumpster full of two thousand pounds of kleenex. I was very excited to get email from Tina Chopp, and, as I do with almost all the email I receive, I looked very closely at the header of the message, to see if I could determine from where it had been sent, since the return address on the message said nothing more than "Tina Chopp". All I could determine wax [sic] that the message had not been sent from a computer that was connected to internet.
The email message itself was an interesting device - it was fancy carved wood, and the letters were in an elaborate gothic style, and carved in bas-relief. Accompanying the message, on little wooden shelves, were several small sculpture-like things made of twisted wire, coloured kleenex and bits of fuzz. I had some difficulty reading the message, because the gothic-style letters were very complicated and elaborate. I had just gotten to the point where Tina asked me if I was truly a "Melvin C"-something, when the phone rang, waking me up. It was my mother-in-law on the phone, and I never did discover what Tina was asking about.
You can't murder a vegetable. Their lives are dedicated to the sustainence of other lives. When a vegetable is sacrificed in the Ritual, its seeds and entrails are scattered on the ground, providing food for small furry critters, and creating the possibility of new vegetables. The life of the sacrificial victim continues in a form other than that which it occupied prior to the sacrifice. The Books of Tina Chopp 1.1.2 says "What causes the feeling of vegetable love?" The answer, of course, is that Tina is the cause of everything, whether we know it or not. Tina created the Vegetable Sacrifice to remind us of Her and to bring her closer to Her reality (which, by the way, is the reason why we hold our Sacrifice Ceremonies at eXit-38, another reminder of our connections with Tina's reality), and to give us an excuse to do bizarre things in Her Name and for Her Glory.
The Vegetable's love for us is obvious. If it weren't for the love of the Vegetable for us pitiful human beings, we might never know of the dangers of Safeway, jocks and disco. If it weren't for our love of The Vegetable, and our love for Tina Chopp, Herself, we would never know of the extreme necessity of the Ritual Sacrifice, much less have any interest in performing it during this Season of Pumpkins. And, once again, The Books of Tina have the answer. The chapter which immediately follows the one referenced earlier, (TBOT 1.1.3), starts with these inspiring words: "Does Having Fun Help?". And the answer which follows (TBOT 220.127.116.11-3) is "Yes it does. Good clean fun can freak us out and help us to face life's anti-Tinites better. As the Snake says, there is 'a time to laugh... and a time to skip classes'. But having fun is the real answer. One can smoke out for an evening and forget everything. But the next day, the vegetables are still there to be sacrificed, so who cares? Moreover, certain types of 'fun' can have ugly faces and legs. You can drown your disco-people in the toilet, or go on a trip with drugs. They increase your ecstasy in Tina. And you pay heavily -- not only in cash, but also in doughnuts and little bits of paper. Do you know of anyone who is the worse off for taking drugs? I don't. Pleasures and trying to escape are the answer. Then what is the question?"
The question, of course, is why are we out here in the middle of nowhere, acting like deranged freaks? The anser, as I have just read, is to have fun in The Name of Tina Chopp. Amen.